June 7th

My eyes close and my mind wanders. Slowly, I begin to forget where I am, but soon an announcement comes over the intercom or I turn ever so slightly and catch a whiff of industrial cleaner, then it all comes flooding back. The sounds of the hospital fill my ears. The cries and grunts of expecting mothers and the worrisome shifting of feet by the fathers. The yelling fights at the nurse's station over insurance, and the ragged breathing of the injured. The continuous crying of the people in the waiting room, but whether because they are happy or sad I have no idea. Luckily with my eyes closed I can still ignore the reason I'm here. Yet, I still smell the much to lemony industrial cleaner, the sour disinfectant, and the salty stench of blood. Tears fill my still closed eyes.
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I fight them down, try to think of something else, anything to avoid thinking about what I am doing in a hospital. Someone stumbles into my leg, but I refuse to open my eyes, and let them continue on their way. I know that if I open my eyes now, everything is lost, I will no longer be able to ignore the truth. I focus my mind on the past, on happier times, happier days. My thoughts immediately travel to the day I met Jessie.

I'd been working outside in the hot sun, building a shed for my father, when he walked up to me. He said he'd been walking down the street when he noticed a young girl doing work that was obviously meant for two. He reached over my shoulder and held up a board so I could nail it in. He offered his help, and I accepted. It quickly became clear that he wasn't really of any use as a carpenter, but he was pleasant to talk to, and even more pleasant to look at, especially when he took off his shirt. When I finally finished building the shed I invited Jessie in for a cold drink and a snack. He spoke just as easily to my father as he had to me, and when he finished his drink I invited him to help me paint the shed the next day. I was sixteen then.

"Dr. Matson, please report to OR 7, Dr. Matson, please report to OR 7." A woman's voice fizzles through the intercom. My eyes flash open, only for a second, but that's long enough. The fluorescent light burns my eyes, but the momentary blindness fades quickly, and the waiting room comes into sharp focus. I shut my eyes almost instantly, but the vision of the room is seared onto the back of my eyelids. I can see the nurse behind the counter shaking her head at the man argueing with her. I can see the bloddy bandaged arm of the man sitting next to me. I can see the little girl hugging her mother's legs and crying. I can see the forms in my hands, the ones I've been writing on...no I can't think of them. Think of anything else.

Jessie planned a completely insane eighteenth birthday for me. He said he wanted my initiation into adulthood to be unforgettable. I asked him if he actually wanted me to grow up considered that the celebration consisted of finger painting, play doh, roller skating, and watching lots of children's movies. Still, it was the most fun I'd had in a long time, the most fun I'd had since my mother died. When the night ended in a pillow fight and a not quite so innocent sleep over I knew it would be my best birthday ever. It was also the first time I told Jessie I loved him.

"Ms. Harrison, Melody?" says a voice above me. Reluctantly I open my eyes and look up at the nurse. She gives me a sad smile. "Have you finished the paperwork?" I glance down at the forms, only half finished, and shake my head.

"I'm sorry...it's just...I can't" I stutter to a stop. I'm not sure how to explain what I'm thinking to the nurse, but she simply smiles and lays her hand over mine.

"It's quite alright, there will be time for that later. Right now they are ready for you." She stands and I follow without really thinking about it or paying attention to where I'm going. She leads me down the hall to a small room. There is a doctor there and she offers me the same sad smile. I try not to look around, not to see the bed, but I can't help myself. Jessie lies there, his face barely recognizable, half his body covered in casts. Beeping and pulsing machines surround his body, tubes run into him from every side. When I can't bear the sight of it anymore I turn to the doctor.

"We've done everything we could, but I'm afraid the injuries were too severe. He likely won't make it another hour. I'm surprised he's managed to hang on this long. I'm so sorry." I hear the doctor's words, but I can't accept them, they can't be true.

"But, he's only nineteen, we're supposed to get married next week. We have an entire life to live." I say, feeling the tears start to flow down my cheeks. The nurse squeezes my hand, but I shake her off and go to Jessie. "You can't be dying, I won't allow it. You promised me vanilla cake and a honeymoon I would never forget. You can't leave me now."

I grab Jessie's hand and hold tight, but he doesn't squeeze back. I sit there, crying and begging him not to leave as the heart monitor begins to blip slower and slower. Then I lean down and kiss him until I hear nothing but the long steady beep that tells me my best friend is gone forever.