April 27th

I've slowly begun to realize that while the job I'm getting in Guest Services is going to be phenomenal and just the stepping stone I've been looking for, being in this transition period is not good for me. I've always been the type of person who decides to do something, works towards it, finishes it, and moves on. Being in this dead space where I've achieved something, but haven't been able to move on really frustrates me. I feel like I'm just marking time, and I have no idea when things will be moving on. I really dislike not knowing when things will be happening, and it makes me less excited to go to work, which is a bummer because I enjoy my job.

I'm having a similar issue with the apartment, which is still up in the air. I don't know if a place is going to become available and so I just have to sit and wait on it until I decide it's too late. The issue is that I really want to move into a three bedroom, because it will be much better overall. Now that I actually decided that it would be a good idea and my mind is set on it, the opportunity is basically ripped from my fingers. The issue has become that we need a move in date late enough that we won't be charged a transfer fee, but also early enough that we have enough time to make the move. Plus, we have to decide when it's too late to continue waiting because potential roomie's current lease will run out and she'll need to have a new place figured out. After that date we're pretty much stuck just renewing our current lease and staying where we are. This is fine, I like my apartment, but I'd much rather get the three bedroom.

Looking at the two things that bother me, I realize that one of my biggest pet peeves is being in limbo. I hate waiting for communication and not knowing what's happening. If things aren't going to work out (not getting the apartment, not getting the job, not getting the rehearsal space, not getting the footage), then that sucks, but it's something I can work with. I can get over it and move on from there. If things ARE working out, that's even better. Then I can complete whatever I wanted to do, and be proud of what I've accomplished. The issue comes when I don't know it things are or aren't working out. When no one has told me anything and any day the news could be terrible but I can't really plan for that because the news could be good and I'm optimistic so I hope for the best, but I can't move on in that direction either. Then I just have to sit there like a lump and I HATE it!

It's funny, because I'd always thought that I was one of those people who can really go with the flow, but now I'm not so sure. True, I'm never so set in my ways that I can't adapt or change at a moment's notice when the situation calls for it, but that doesn't mean that I'm totally without a plan. For me, going with the flow only works if I actually know where the flow is going. I can adapt to anything you tell me I need to, as long as you tell me what I need to adapt to. Yet, I seem to constantly get stuck in these situations where I can't go anywhere because no one can tell me what is going to happen, and it drives me insane.

Now that I've wasted enough time on things that frustrate me, I suppose I should talk about some things that I'm enjoying as well. We can start with Community, which is a hilarious show that everyone should watch. If you're into comedy I'll also tell you to check out Don't Trust the B**** In Apartment 23, which is quite witty and involves James Van Der Beek playing himself, something I happen to always love in shows. I'm also really loving The Help (the book) both for the content and because it's nice to read again. I'm addicted to Character of the Week at conceptart.org. I'm not, nor will I ever be, an artist, but the characters they create are really inspiring for me, and I've been collecting them on Pinterest for possible stories later. I'm really digging listening to pop radio stations as well. All in all life is more positive than negative, but today the negative was really weighing on my mind.