April 28th

I've spent the last four hours (which is how long I've been awake), debating on when I should write my 750 words today. On one hand I haven't done anything worth writing about yet today, but on the other hand I'll be working until 2:30am again tomorrow, and, as we've experienced, that kind of delirium isn't always the best thing for my writing. Of course I don't have to only talk about what I've done today, I can discuss other issues, things in the news (if I watched the news, which I don't), or thoughts on my mind. Yet, somehow I have trouble coming up with ideas, and also remembering what I've already talked about, because I currently refuse to reread my old posts.

The reason I refuse to read them is that I know that the instant I did, I'd want to take them all down. They ramble, they aren't pretty, and they undoubtedly repeat and excessive amount of information. They cry out for editing, but as a rule I've forbidden myself from doing that. I know that the posts aren't the greatest, but the purpose is to encourage me to write something every single day. This something isn't supposed to be fantastic fiction, or a diary of my personal thoughts, or a detailed observational journal of my daily life, it's just supposed to be words on a page, and in that way I've succeeded. These words exist, and just that simple fact means that I'm writing, and that is an accomplishment.

The other thing I've been thinking about a lot is how much my life has changed, and how different it is than what I might have planned. One of the YouTubers I follow, EmilyTheBrave, made a video talking to her future self, specifically herself exactly one year in the future. This video was made a year ago, yesterday. Today (or last night after I quit watching YouTube), Emily made a reply to this video. She watched the original video and then responded to it. She marveled at how many things had changed in a year, the things her past self valued that no longer mattered, and the plans she had made that never came to pass. This project fascinated me. It got me thinking about where my life was a year ago (finals at college), and all the hopes and dreams and ideas I had, and where I am now. I don't think me a year ago could ever have predicted where I would be now, but I'm happy with where I am. Emily's video has inspired me, and I'm planning to make my own video to my one year in the future self. Perhaps I will make it a yearly thing, just to look back and see what sort of things have changed. I think it will almost as fascinating as looking back on these blogs a year in the future.

Anothing (there's that word I made up again, seriously, I can't stop typing it), that I've been thinking about is cooking. I used to think that once I moved out on my own, I would magically learn how to cook through a combination of dire necessity and previously undiscovered talent. This has not happened. In fact, it seems quite likely that my eating habits have gone from decent to "make my mother cry" terrible. When I was in college I always lived in the dorms, and as a result ate at the dining halls. This worked well for me since I had things to do pretty much every second of every day and barely made the time to get down to the dining hall and grab some food (which I often did while still doing homework). When I moved to Florida I thought that the large amount of free time I would be gaining would mean that I would actually cook some food, but that's not the case at all. I have more time, but pretty much 90% of my meals are eaten at work, where I have access to a fridge and sometimes a microwave. That means that my diet consists largely of PB&J sandwiches and a fresh fruit (usually apples). When I'm not at work I usually make Ramen, rice with black beans, occasionally a grilled cheese, and VERY rarely something that actually takes more than ten minutes to prepare. I almost always include some sort of veggie or fruit with these meals, but honestly that's about it. Even with the time, I can't find the inspiration to actually make meals, or really I can't convince myself that it's worth the time that could be spent on other projects.

Those are the things on my mind today, you'll hear more from me tomorrow.